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Vodka Cranberry

I turned 19 in the silence of the night. Having recently survived a crash (which is a very stupid story, I hit a parked car for fuck's sake), I now look inside for meaning. All I can feel right now stems from Conan's song...

The second semester of my university life saw me getting drunk and crossfaded at parties/events. It was an attempt at running away from myself, and the events I faced in the first semester. All the badmouthing and character assassination does tend to impact a guy. I keep running and running and running (metaphorically only, my stamina has gotten so bad I swear to god). I did find friendship though, and a certain level of closure. I think I'm happier with myself now that I'm running. But I'm forced to confront myself every single day. And I do it... in bits, in pieces, in parts.

The 5 day road trip in the summer was such a wonderful experience. We went to Vagamon and on the first night we got shitfaced drunk, I blacked out. There's one particular incident that happened actually that no one knows of, I plan on taking it to my grave. V lied at home, told them he was going to Madurai. We did go to Madurai, but only on one of those days. While we were still in Vagamon he video-called his mum and showed her around. I still don't know how she bought we were in Madurai but whatever. V was also not allowed to drive the car after the only time he drove he nearly crashed us into a barricade on the highway. He also for some fuckall reason kept sleeping through the rest of the journey. It was T's car. It's a good car. It brought us back home safe. The day we were leaving V said he'll "wake up and be at T's house by 3am" but he lied. I was at his at 2:59am, with the alarm ringing next to his ear and him fast asleep. He got annoyed when I woke him up so I awkwardly went back to T's and we got the car ready and waited for V to come (he slept again) and then went to pick D up. D also shoplifted a packed croissant, one of those Brittania ones. V also slept the day we were in Madurai and decided to lock the car and walk around the block. He was alone in the car for nearly 20 mins when we tried to scare him awake. But he slept so deep he didn't budge an inch until we physically shook him like hell. He also slept through the point whence I was puking. I remember T saying to D in his sleep "Dude I think Duck is puking" and D went "It's okay, let him puke, let's fall back asleep" at around 12.30am... Next morning V asks me when I puked because he apparently got up at 3am to turn the AC on, wow. V also sleeps while he's wide awake because a nest of red ants fell from a tree near the chai shop where we stopped while getting down the hill from Vagamon and all he did was stare instead of brush them from me. I handed my cup to D while V asked the shopkeeper in the tiniest voice "uhhhh... tissue? tissuee..." like a slow-motion sneeze. In hindsight it's funny. It was a golden experience (sorry I couldn't resist sneaking in a Jojo reference).

Once I was back from the trip, the next day I went with ART to an exhibit in Adyar, her work was being displayed. She's so talented. She's my best friend (apart from T, sorry macha don't get jealous). There I made a few new friends, a couple of them liked me a bunch and called me to a DnD game where I met my now girlfriend. It took us 3 dates to acknowledge we were dating and it was really funny. She loves me a whole bunch and it's difficult for me to swallow at points, but she still showers me with love and for that I'm grateful. Y's love feels real. Even strangers in the metro noticed us and called us a cute couple, saying we looked good together. I love her too. Her poems light my days up. She also made me quit smoking so now I have to survive on Nicotex and the occasional vape.

I got a mullet and got my right ear pierced on the day S came from Dubai to Chennai, right before I went to meet her actually...

Here's to another amazing year and many more to come. I love all my friends - new, old, forgotten, in my future. All of them.

Younger me would hate and love the current me at the same time. I have a garland of jasmine hanging on my bedframe, it smells sweet. I hope I'll be able to become a good guiding figure to the freshers that are coming in this year. I have hopes, and dreams, and aspirations. I want to love being myself more than I love myself by the time I'm out of my teens and in my 20s.

My parents actually love me bro wtf. I will miss my mom's cooking and the way my dad gets gentle whenever I have a near death experience (happened twice in the past year). I am not ready to go back yet. I barely have any time left with them. But I must. I must.

Thank you, corner of the internet, for tuning into my random thoughts. Kaalaan Kalavaanis ftw.



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